Your Mother should know

Miss Penn and I have been doing ver’ important things, obviously, like plotting world domination and shiz. Even more importantly we’ve been using complicated algorithms and psychic ray beams (not beans, that would be stupid) to calculate who will be the How I Met Your Mother mother.

Naomi’s listed her picks here, and handily included a summary of the show. So, hey, I guess her waking up before me and stealing my thoughts was actually useful. Who’dathunkit? Though, seriously, if you have no idea about the show you clearly a) have been hiding under a way bigger rock then even I’m capable of finding and b) shouldn’t be reading this. Scat!

But I suppose all you really need to know is that it’s a love story in reverse: in the year 2525 two women keep hope alive 2030 Ted Mosby is telling his kids the impossibly long-winded story of how he met their mother.

Ted’s kind of a douche. He’s desperate and whiny, with bad hair and an almost non-existent sense of humour. Even the red cowboy boots don’t do a lot for him. Luckily he has a gang of friends who make the show wonderfully watchable. Obviously Barney is absolutely the best thing about the show (sometimes I even wonder why there are other characters), but Lily, Marshall and Robin (after the first few episodes at least) all manage to make up for Ted’s existence. I suppose I’m being a tad harsh, he isn’t as bad as Carrie or Susan at least, and his annoyance is definitely tempered by the rest of the group’s dynamic. Still I think that whoever ends up playing his wife is going to have to have a double dose of awesomesauce to make up for all his terrible defects. And he already screwed up with Anne Dudek (hair pictured above) so there goes my fallback option for suggestions to improve a TV show.

So I’ve got ten suggestions (in no particular order) for the mother, there’s a lot of crossover with Naomi’s list as our posts were born out of a late night/early morning discussion while re-watching the beginning of season one of HIMYM, in between bouts of hysterics. But if one of our solo picks wins the place (or, rather, is conned by Ted into marrying him) the prize is dinner. Naomi suggested a slap bet instead, which is part of the reason I don’t let her carry her own keys anymore.

1. Kristen Bell

Naomi and I are leaning towards blondes (since the show seems to prefer him being with one and it would be a good counterpoint to Lily and Robin), plus she’s certainly short enough for Ted. More than that though she’s a great actress with brilliant comic timing and the ability to play very different roles. Much as I loved the character of Veronica Mars I don’t think that the elusive mother would be much like her, and hopefully not too much likeHeroes’ Elle if it comes to that. She also has, thankfully, come to the conclusion that she can be sexy, and I wouldn’t mind if she wanted to hang around half-nekkid all the time, as long as I didn’t have to see that furry gilet from Veronica Mars again. It still haunts my dreams.

2. Zooey Deschanel

I do love a good Deschanel, and clearly Zooey is no exception. I adored her in Weeds and Tin Man for a start. And she can sing! I feel that whoever Ted’s going out with should be able to duet with Barney. It’s clearly an important requirement. (And one that almost tempts me to include Eliza Dushku on this list, but I really can’t see her with Ted. She should totally guest though!) Zooey’s quirky, stylish and downright adorable. I can definitely see her fitting with the show- I almost can’t believe that she hasn’t guest starred before.

3. Carla Gallo

I think that Carla Gallo ought to be in just about every show ever almost as much as I think Anne Dudek ought to, which is to say a lot. She’s fabulous in Carnivale, Bones, Californication… and I’d hazard a guess at everything else she’s been in too. I really enjoy the way that she plays her characters, and think that she has a great range- it would definitely be fun seeing her in a mostly comedic role again. Plus it’s actually kind of exiting to watch her in a role where she doesn’t get her breasts out.

4. Alicia Silverstone

I have an unabashed love of the Clueless movie and of Miss Match. That’s right, I’m not ashamed to admit it! Alicia Silverstone is seriously all kinds of awesome. Naomi tells me that Ms Silverstone was actually the first choice to play Stella (who was actually played by Scrubs’ Sarah Chalke), the woman Ted almost married. Plus you just know that Ted and the boys are fans of that rubbish Batman film that she was in and there could be all kinds of rather lame meta jokes about Batgirl costumes and chick fights. Also apparently Josh Radnor (Ted) was once actually on an episode of Miss Match… which might just increase the chances of HIMYM setting them up together.

5. Rachel McAdams

While I think that Rachel McAdams probably looks better as a brunette, she definitely doesn’t look bad as a blonde, which bodes well with our assumption that Ted’s going to probably end up with a blonde. I’m not quite sure what it is about Rachel McAdams that I find so endearing, she hasn’t really been in anything that made me squeal with joy (although I have a feeling that that could change with the upcoming film version of The Time Traveler’s Wife- which I really hope they don’t screw up by adapting). Nonetheless there is something incredibly likable about her, and I can easily picture her as part of the cast. As long as her career doesn’t take off to fast and make it unlikely anyway!

6. Felicia Day

Well of course I love Felicia Day. Seriously, find me someone who doesn’t. And then take them away swiftly because they sound hella disturbing. I feel that it’s definitely plausible that HIMYM may cast someone who’s been on a show with one of the leads- and since Josh Radnor hadn’t been in much pre-HIMYM I figure that they might pursue some other connections. And they’d be hard pressed to find someone as connected as Felicia actually, she played Vi onBuffy which also starred Alyson Hannigan (Lily) as well as playing Penny, the female lead, in the truly awesome Dr Horrible which starred Neil Patrick Harris (Barney). The only thing that puts me off crowning her as Mother here and now is that I think I’d kind of prefer to see her playing a crazed Barney-obsessed stalker, with all kinds of tongue in cheek callbacks to Dr Horrible and duets aplenty.

7. Anna Friel

Before Pushing Daisies I don’t think the name ‘Anna Friel’ meant all that much to me. Sure there was the lesbian kiss from (rubbish) British soap Brookside that was always getting mentioned on those Channel 4 countdowns for some reason, and I was forced to watch Me Without You by Oedepa in Tiptoe’s basement once upon a time. After a couple of (prematurely cancelled) seasons of PD though, I’ve turned into quite the Friel fan. She’s quirky and fun, can apparently be dressed up however you want, is just about as cute as any kind of fastening you’d happen to mention, produces a convincing American accent and certainly is more than capable in a comedic role. Plus she’d hopefully be available, apparently she’s been turning down pilots all over the gaff in favour of focussing on movies. Guesting as the Mother shouldn’t be too much of a problem then!

8. Christina Cole

Ok, I did try to get into Hex. On the surface it’s something that should have been pushing all my buttons, especially with the way it was marketed as a British Buffy. And while I did quite like the two main characters (played by Cole and the strangely likable Jemima Rooper) I was just never able to get into the show at all. In part because it made no sense, I’m sure. Nevertheless, I do think that Christina Cole is a good actress, and I especially loved her as Caroline Bingley in Lost in Austen. She definitely has the right look for a Mrs Mosby (she’s sort of the same phenotype as Sarah Chalke and Alicia Silverstone). Her career seems to be moving on up too, apparently she’s got a Fox pilot on the way. I can’t say that I’ve ever heard her doing an American accent, but why shouldn’t Ted’s wife be British if it comes to that?

9. Allison Mack

Consistently the best thing about Smallville (unless you count funding Mike Rosenbaum and his general insanity), and actually also great in the ill-fated series Opposite Sex (apparently I’m just about the only person who ever watched it). There’s something about her that definitely reminds me of Kristen Bell, and not just facially, although she’s definitely just as cutsie. She’s said that she’ll be leaving Smallville at the end of the ninth season (which begs the question: Smallville’s still running? What the eff?), which should nicely free her, and her wonderful smile, up for HIMYMappearances. Sorted.

10. Alison Lohman

Yes I did watch Tucker, it was awesome and I’m in no way ashamed to admit it. It is a little disturbing perhaps that almost a decade later she barely seems to have aged, but I think we can all agree that vampires are cool so it’s all good. Besides she’s probably got a couple of years before Mother appears so she’s got time to suddenly realise that she’s an adult and shouldn’t keep portraying teens, just as Kristen Bell finally did a couple of years ago. It also means she’s got time to buck the trend of getting cast in crappy movies too. I suspect she might need to increase her presence in the public consciousness for casting her on HIMYM to be a brilliant idea, but I kind of want to see her little pixie face in the McLaren’s booth with the others.

11. Gemma Arterton

Since Naomi got an eleventh, so do I! So maybe I’m picking Gemma Arterton more because I just really, really like her than because I can actually see her joining the HIMYM cast. But that certainly doesn’t mean that she’d be a bad choice. Great actress, strangely attractive voice and stunning looks. She doesn’t look bad with lighter hair either, though I think that even with black locks she doesn’t look overly similar to Cobie Smulders (Robin). Her career’s hopefully on the verge of taking off, and having seen her in Tess I definitely believe in her accent abilities.

The mother really ought to be turning up pretty soon. In the season four finale Ted announced that she was actually in the class he was teaching. That doesn’t necessarily mean that he met her in that class I suppose, but really to have two teenage kids by 2030 he ought to be getting on with meeting their mother in the next couple of years. There’s always the possibility of adoption or sperm donation fake outs, which I guess could be kind of amusing. But with the way that the show is structured, and Ted characterised, I really don’t think that that would quite be satisfactory.

So we await the mother with bated breath! As long as she isn’t someone annoying like Denise Richards (could happen because of the NPH Starship Troopers connection), Cobie Smulders as Robin’s long lost twin (laaaame), Kirsten Dunst (perhaps trying to work a tenuous Buffy connection)… or basically anyone who isn’t on our lists.