Dear Disney Wankers

The Search Term Sundays lead me to believe that an awful lot of people are googling Disney porn and ending up on Pop Culture Playpen. Now it’s not up to me to limit people’s sexual fantasies, and Disney porn doesn’t harm anyone directly (assuming that cartoons don’t feel pain anyway).


Since this blog may be the window to communication with the Disney porn world I would like to use this opportunity to ask them to stop. Stop making Disney porn. Stop searching for Disney porn. And most of all, stop getting distracted by pop culture websites as you go.

There is, I think, probably nothing wrong with porn in itself, as long as it doesn’t encourage violence or display the subordination of any group. In my mind (or according to the harm principle, whatever), that divides porn into two categories; the first, porn that is personal and not harmful and the second, porn that is just, well, icky.

In fact, if the porn is in cartoon form, it takes out the possibility that real people have been coerced into the making of it. Attraction to cartoon characters is also par for the course. My girlfriend fancied Ginger from As Told by Ginger, when they were the same age. She also drunkenly confessed to a past crush on Eliza Thornberry from the Wild Thornberries, but now denies this. Perhaps you consumers of Disney porn are harbouring childhood crushes on Disney characters, and these crushes have never gone away. It’s possible, so you get back to us. (We love qualitative research like you love princess porn.) Let us know what you are feeling, Disney Wankers. My other thought is that you are testing the internet rule 34 that if you can think it; there’s porn of it. (Cornflake porn? We wonder, but we don’t look it up…although now I kind of want to.)

And why are there so many you people? As the post-Sex and the City generation we know that your masturbation is neither bad nor wrong. But Disney masturbation shows that you sexualise gender inequality, which is what Disney depicts and teaches with its stupid female leads waiting for princes. There are Disney women who don’t rely so much on the male heroes; there’s Mulan, for example, who doesn’t seem to  know her place as woman. Outrageous!  Disney is outdated, we can tell because the monarchy still seems to be important. And, more importantly, because it teaches that women should sing, cook, clean, hang about with small creatures, and wait. Men should be arrogant, wealthy and have bum chins. Disney, like Miss Thropist, will not meet my children.

And Disney has wronged me personally! I had to grow up knowing that I didn’t look like a Disney princess, get told that it was fine, because nobody does, and then get to secondary school and realise that some girls do. On the other hand, I grew up wanting the dresses that the lucky princesses got to wear (not like the chiffon ones, the heavy velvet stuff), had to deal with them not existing in the real world, and then found out that they did, in Camden!

Anyway, my research is limited. I haven’t seen it. I haven’t searched it, because I don’t want to encourage it with my Google-vote, and probably it would just end up bringing me back here. But you just know that this is going to involve nasty depictions of Disney princess; Snow White, Beauty, Jasmine, Belle, Cinderella and the rest. Obviously you know, Disney wankers, you love that shit. This is because it involves childhood imagery, twisted.

It’s also just plain misogynistic to sexualise what Disney stands for, which is old style bubble pink Barbie playhouse fun female subordination. Disney princesses are crap. The Disney stories are taken from traditional patriarchal stories which kept women sitting around trying to be more womanly, fearing that they were doing it wrong. They gave children sexist, racist messages from which nothing can redeem them. I am, however, told that these traditional stories aren’t as cut and dried.

The question I am ending this with may help to clear up whether the real problem with you, the Disney porn market, is actually the making-childhood-things-sexual ickiness factor or the making-male-domination-sexual-as-ever factor.

Perhaps it may be both.

The question: Would Through the Glass Ceiling porn be ok?

7 thoughts on “Dear Disney Wankers

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  2. love this article… sooo true!
    next one should be on barbie… unrealistic, expensive n just plain boring.

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